The reason why I am writing this blog is in response to all my fellow Christian friends and family who have made comments and placed posts on their facebook walls about Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner).
I have put off responding to some of these horrible and demeaning comments about this individual, now a woman, that none of us know personally. I wanted my response to come from a loving and objective perspective.
My name is Anna and I grew up with a mom and dad. At age 21 my dad openly started dressing very feminine and making progress towards being female. My siblings and I were very shocked because we had no idea that my dad was trying to be a woman our whole life; my parents hid this very well. From that moment on I had to change the way I perceived lifestyles different than my own.
I am a child of a transgendered (two-spirited) parent. I had no idea my Dad (DENNISE NEILSON) had been struggling and hiding her whole life. Can you imagine growing up living a lie and not being who you are, putting on an act for everyone you interact with; I know I could not. I wanted explanations as to why my dad wanted to be a woman. Our family thought he was going through a midlife crisis, and at the same time as wanting explanations, I was not open to hearing my dad explain to me why he was doing what he was doing. I shut down my communication with my dad and I was so pissed off. I would not even let him see my children. I thought to myself "how could he do this to us?" I would even pray to God that he would fix my dad, I already had a mom, I didn't need 2.
Feeling like my prayers were never getting answered and being embarrassed of our family situation and learning of my dad's ex-communication from the church I became even more upset and confused. Why was this happening to us? My dad then finally wrote all of us kids letters.
If you have gotten this far in reading I ask that you read my Dad's letter to me, and put yourself in Dennise's position and ask yourself , "how you would want your family and friends to respond to you?"
Dear Anna and Kip,
Understand I love you very much. I know an explanation is way over due. Like many years over due. Like so many thing's in life, fear and guilt can be the motivators. When they are the prime motivators, sometimes you do not always take the right action.
One may even shut themselves off, and block themselves away from anyone or everyone, or possibly even yourself. It is when one shuts off a part of themselves, that you begin living only part of your life, only being partly there; in some cases , not even being there at all.
I am so tired of running and hiding.
I have run from myself for so many years.
I have worked hard at being one with the mass consensus, and I have found that this thought process to be uncomfortable. I have an article that is attached which best explains who I am. I pray that when you are finished reading my letter you read it with an open heart and open mind.
Also, understand that all of my life, I have felt different from everyone, not better than, just "different."
Over the years there have been remarks said about me that no one was aware of, that hurt me deeply. And because of it, I have at times not liked who I was, I have even hated myself, and sometimes my very existence. There have been times that I have not felt worthy to be here, that I was not good enough, and did not deserve anything good.
As a result sometimes life was very lonely. Yes even with all you kids there, I felt lonely because I had to hide a part of me, that I learned from society, meaning that I had taken a fear based belief that I was horrifying and terrible;I have come to realize that it is only in some people's minds.
It was in the minds of some people that I discovered unconditional love, that showed me, I was a beautiful person, I now view myself as someone who is worthy, beautiful, and loving and also very accepting of myself.
In the Native culture, there are those who are called "The Two Spirited"
I am one of the "Two Spirited"
Reading this letter broke my heart. I never understood what my dad was going through. I was sad and hurt that my dad felt all these things for so many years. No one likes to see a loved one suffer and may dad had being suffering a long time.
I put myself in my dad's shoes and asked myself, "if this was me how would I want my kids to respond to me? Lovingly with an open heart and mind or have them disown me."
I chose to love my dad. It took some getting used to calling him Dennise. I did not agree with his lifestyle change but overtime I understood that having that relationship was more important and that my own kids got to know Grandpa Dennise.
Dennise passed away November 22nd, 2014 due to complications with bowel cancer.
I am so thankful that I chose to love my dad as Dennise even though I didn't agree with his lifestyle. Dennise was still my dad but as a woman. I have learned so much through this whole experience: EMPATHY, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, ACCEPTANCE AND HAVING AN OPEN MIND AND HEART.
I am thankful Heavenly father has given me my family, even a transgendered, two spirited parent. though it may not make sense to me now, it will later. I know my family seems dysfunctional, but we all function fine. My prayer to fix my dad was answered by me having to fix my judgmental attitude and perceptions that gradually with time turned into empathy and love.
I hope what people take away from this whole Bruce Jenner- Caitlyn change is that we all have our own struggles and lifestyles, we do not have to agree with what others are doing but we can still love and support one another regardless if you agree with what they are doing or not, or how they are living.
You never know how much words and comments can hurt or uplift someone. I hope we always choose to uplift. We also never know when we will lose someone special to us. I can say I have no regrets except I wish I loved Dennise more.
Anna B.
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